Senior Year: Proudest Moments

"I'm sorry," he told me inside my youth group leader's home, "I just don't think I can do this anymore." I raised a hand to slap him, but cut myself off, tears streaming down my face. I think I could hear them hit the floor. "Seriously, you were going to slap me?" I will admit, I did only want to do it because I've seen it done on TV. The first thing on my mind was to call my mom, "Please come pick me up," I sobbed, "Todd just broke up with me." She picked me up and gave me a heartwarming lecture on how "If it's meant to be then it's meant to be." To be honest, not all that heart warming mom, but thanks.

I hardly slept that night. I want to say I finally forced myself to pass out around 4:30am only to wake up 2 hours later to get ready for school. The second I walked into that building I started crying. I walked up to my friends table and just sat there quietly letting tears fall down my face. "why is this so hard?" I would keep thinking to myself. This tall lanky kid, Luc, walked up to me and tried hugging me and telling me I'd be okay. I refused to accept it. I pushed him off me and he started yelling and cursing at me, ultimately sending him to the office. He received three weeks detention and In School Suspension. First period senior privileges: time for a quick nap I suppose.

Time for Orchestra.
There was a meeting for those going to the annual Semi-Formal dance. We sat down for attendance and I just let my hair fall in front of my face. I saw him leave and started panicking inside, "Are you kidding me Todd? seriously? This doesn't raise any suspicion about you or anything."
My friend Christian kept coming up to me and trying to introduce me to his friend Lucas. He really did look like a freshman; really small and kind really thin. He was a nice kid don't get me wrong but I always felt something was off about him. We talked, shared a mutual love for the Legend of Zelda series, but ultimately, that didn't change the numb feeling I had inside.

A month rolled on.
Then two.

In March, Luc moved away to Philadelphia. Thank goodness. By that time I had learned his true intentions: to get in my pants. I worked part time at the gas station near my house and nine times out of ten he would show up. And of course by "Show up" I mean have his grandma drop him off and leave him there for three hours. It was around this time I started smoking. I couldn't stand all the stress he would give me, especially after the one night I was changing the creamer bags for our coffee station. I'm short so of course I have to reach up to get the stupid bags in place. In that short frame of time he stuck his hand down my loose fitting pants. In response I elbowed him in the gut, dropping the bag of creamer into its slot, punched him in the face and pushed him away from me screaming, "No means no!" He quick called his grandma to come get him. My manager at the time peeked her head from the back door with my other co worker, Becky, "Everything okay in there?" She also asked if I wanted to call the cops. I denied and he went home. After my shift he would frivolously try and call me on Oovoo to webchat. I've denied him ever since.

A couple more weeks went by.
Orchestra again.
" I mean, three days ago he just broke up with Kristy and now he already has a new girlfriend? Is he trying to be a man whore?" My friend Christian laughed at me. I pieced together my instrument while trying not to make eye contact with him. He kept laughing at something, "What's so funny?" I asked sarcastically. He almost seemed to stop and cower a little, "Nothing." For a while, we actually talked like normal people, until...
"Seriously, how do you thing Kristiane feels, you just broke up with her three days ago and now you're dating someone else? Not to mention, she is in seventh grade and on your bus? She now has to see you every day." I seem to forget a majority of his responses because the anger was building up inside me. There was always this false glimmer of hope that he and I would get back together. My friend, Sabrina, said something to try and end this. I remember him saying "Yea, seriously," in terms of agreement with her. "Will you shut up for two seconds?"
WHACK!
The trombone players behind us were in awe along with the stand up bassists beside up. Oh no, what have i done?
I stormed out of the room, on my way out Christian tried high fiving me. I managed to walk my way to the chorus room. I walked inside and tears started pouring down my face. The choral instructor noticed me when one of the students called her name and pointed at me. She brought me out into the hall. "That's never happened to me before, I don't know what to do. I just, I slapped him right across the face." I was completely panic stricken, mostly for the fact that he now hated me, not so much for the trouble I was about to be in. She rested her hands on my shoulders, "You'll be okay, I promise, but take this to the principal's office before he does and make sure your side of the story is heard before his. Oh! And don't be afraid to apologize to him too. Surely, you didn't mean for this to happen." It was the best advice I had ever received at the time. I wandered my way back to the band room. The bell had already rung and people were trying to rush out. I saw him putting his instrument away, his face pink and wet. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out and he just walked away from me. I was called down to guidance shortly after, mostly because my counselor didn't want to see me get into any major trouble. He had me write a statement as to what happened in Orchestra. With each sentence I panicked more and more and my writing became sloppy. I ended up dictating to him what had happened. My statement didn't change anything, my clean record meant nothing to them. By the end of the day, I was sentenced to ten days Out of School Suspension. The vice principal allowed me to call my mother and explain what happened. I couldn't stop crying after that, at least not until I got home and explained everything to my mom. I was more upset over working so hard all year for the steel band concert that I wouldn't get to perform in now than anything else. It was actually really shocking when my mom said she was proud of me. Haha, thanks mom.

While I was out on suspension, I went on a date with someone from the air force academy who I really liked even before Todd and I started dating. I wrote letters to him and such before this even happened thought I never actually received any responses. Well, except on Facebook. I thought he really liked me and I did everything in my power not to bring up Todd or anything weird that I usually do (Writing fan fiction, playing video games, etc.) We went to see "The Croods" in theatres. Nothing really happened during the movie. We simply sat there. No hand holding, no arm around me. We walked over to Starbucks after the movie ended. I offered to pay but he refused to let me. We simply got two hot chocolates since neither of us were coffee drinkers. We sat there and I tried making conversation but I kept tensing up. For some reason, I really wanted to talk about why I was suspended. He asked me if I was alright, so I started talking about it. Before I could finish the sentence as to why I slapped Todd across the face he took my hands into his and said, "You didn't deserve to be treated that way." My heart was fluttering a million beats a minute. After that, conversation became a breeze; I felt so much more comfortable after that. His dad walked in and sat at the table behind him. I simply smiled at him and told him that I thought his ride was here. He looked behind him and smiled at his dad. My mom shortly after pulled into the parking lot. We went outside said our good-byes. I wasn't expecting anything but he pulled me in for a hug; a really tight one that I'll never forget. When he let me go I thought he was going to kiss me but he didn't make any movements indicating so and I didn't want to push my luck. I simply smiled and said good-bye and that I hoped to see him real soon. A few years later I would find out that he really wasn't all that into me. Or he just really doesn't want to be in a relationship because he's all the way in Colorado and I'm, well, not. Either way, I'm so confused with him.

Eventually came Class Day. We were literally only a few days away from graduation now. The last few days were always so bittersweet for me. With each event I would get tear-y eyed because I knew I wouldn't be able to come back again. I knew I'd never play at graduation with the band again. Everything would be different. I didn't win any awards for Class Day. I was actually really thankful for that. My brother had won "Most Intriguing" when he was a senior. Throughout the entire ceremony (I guess it can be called that?) I kept thinking to myself wait a minute, didn't I write something for the Class Will?
"Rachel wills Todd, Hannah, and Sabrina and awesome marching season next year. You guys keep on rocking."
Oh right, I did. I didn't know whether to feel embarrassed for saying "Keep on rocking," or for the sheer fact that I mentioned Todd and Hannah. Either way, I tried not to let it bother me as much. After the ceremony ended, I met with my Aunt and cousin who had come to watch me walk. She took a few pics of me with my bouquet by the brick wall. I looked over and saw them walking towards me and I quickly started panicking again. "Hey, thanks for mentioning us in the class will. It was really nice of you." Todd said to me. I quick looked at my aunt then back to them as they each gave me a really quick hug. "Hey, it was nothing," was all I could mutter. They gave a quick smile and then walked away. well, that was a little weird.

I cried so hard on Graduation Day, knowing I was leaving a student to come back a legacy. The girl who knew how to slap. The girl who always stood up for herself. The weird girl who loved to talk fantasy and video games. Most importantly: The girl who had a future.